Pleasing Others Won’t Please Yourself

Now this isn’t something I had too much of an issue with when I was younger, but now that I’m getting older I’m becoming more self-less believe it or not. I’m always wondering now how I can be of help to someone else whether it be friends, family, or strangers. I began to notice that these acts of kindness became small obligations. I don’t know how it got to that point, but the moment I let it worry me was the moment I put it to rest. If I have it to give, I will give without looking for anything in return. Mostly because I was taught earlier on not to give anything you feel like you’re gonna miss because nine times out of ten you’re not getting it back.

I gave willingly because it made me feel good to know that that person would have what they needed and because I would want someone to do the same for me. While most are thankful, some are more so expectant of your help. My issue was every time I was asked I was giving because I had it. It got to the point where I was budgeting to help out as if it were another bill or as I mentioned an obligation. Well there came a time where I couldn’t help and when asked I had to turn them down and of course they were not at all pleased because they were depending on me as I was depending on myself. I felt terrible and felt like I had really let someone down.

It got to the point where I was debating how I could make it up the next go round, maybe by increasing what I could give to account for the time missed. The only thing about that is when you start doubling on what you give, people still expecting that larger amount. They won’t always be bold enough to ask upfront but the moment they know more can be given without so much as a question or second thought, the more they will begin to ask for. Depending on the type of giver you are (whether you ask what its for not) will determine whether or not you get an excuse for the sudden larger request.

At this point was when I had to stop. Just like it made me feel good to help someone it made me feel even worse when I couldn’t. This is okay, we are human and subject to feelings. The help you give is just that, help. If you’re doing it for the right reasons then whether big, small, or continuous you should feel good about it. Anyone making you feel obligated to help or guilty about not being able to help is simply not worth helping. The help they need can’t amount to what you can give and it’s best not to attempt to make up the difference. If you can’t ask the same ones you are helping or supporting when you are down then don’t bend over backwards to do the same for them.

This can be monetary, emotionally, or simply supporting another business. Always give what you can when you feel moved to, but don’t make it an obligation. If you don’t have it, or don’t feel comfortable giving be at peace with your decision regardless of how someone may take it.

A no will always be harder to take than a yes, so don’t feel bad about the reaction just work on your delivery. Be honest with yourself and do what makes you feel good. It is ultimately your decision to live with, just make sure it’s what works in your favor.

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