I was suppose to make this post last week but life happened and the post never did. It went by so fast I almost forgot about it and started on a new topic. Despite the setbacks, I’m here and ready to engage!
Now this topic can be touchy but is important. The way you view yourself can say a lot about who you are as a person. It tells your level of confidence, how you value yourself and sometimes how others should view you as well. At some point we have all seen things we would like to change about ourselves. Maybe we want to lose weight, gain weight, we want bigger or smaller assets. The list could go on.
There is nothing wrong with this way of thinking because it’s normal. Even within myself I see things I could fix or change but I never let it define my happiness. I’ve learned to love and appreciate the way I look for myself not for others. You have to learn to do the same. I am accepting of the fact that if I don’t lose or gain the weight, if I can’t grow my hair out, if I can’t get rid of blemishes, change my nose, lips, and body, I’m still going to be happy with the way I look.
Maybe you were teased a lot and bullied when you were younger. I can honestly say when I was very young I was teased because of my darker complexion. This is something I can’t change but when I was very young I wanted to. I was so caught up in the opinions of others that I never formed my own. I let what everyone else thought of me become my thoughts of me as well. So naturally I began to think I was ugly, too dark, and wouldn’t be accepted. At some point I had to realize that my color was not going to change and it’s just who I am. I could probably risk my life with some skin pigmentation surgery, but it wouldn’t be for me. My skin wasn’t altering my health so it wasn’t worth the risk. I learned to love who I was because I had no other choice and I’m glad I did.
I use that same method whenever I see things about myself that I can change. I have to determine who I’m doing it for and form my own opinion of myself. Just like you can’t rely on others to make you happy, you can’t allow the opinions or acceptance of others to determine your happiness either. I see so many celebrities and everyday people alter their bodies to look like the “ideal image”. Most of them were actually better off beforehand. The only ideal image for you should be the one that stares back at you in the mirror. Love yourself just as much as you love everyone else. It’s ok to admire someone else’s beauty or to even emulate certain looks, but don’t alter your canvas.
Perhaps you have been told you are over/underweight. It’s okay. Accept it and work towards bettering your health. This is something that you can change and it won’t hinder you. Don’t allow negative comments or just flat out rude people to stress you or make you feel indifferent. Focus on your goals! Sometimes people make comments without realizing the impact. That’s okay, move past it. They may have meant well but didn’t know how to relay it. Don’t be emotional or add stress to it, just forgive them in your head and use it as your motivation to reach your goals. Above all be accepting of how you look. Know that no matter the outcome you will continue to love and accept yourself for who you are.
If you just simply haven’t found your own identity or becoming accepting of who you are that’s normal as well. You need to discover who you are but not by looking for it in others. As I mentioned admiration is great. It’s normal to admire someone but it’s not okay to clone them. I have a list of people I admire but I would never disconnect with who I am to become them. What’s looks good on the outside isn’t always the same on the inside. Research new things to do, try out different styles, hair, makeup until you find what you like most. Switch it up often. Most of the time people who seem to have an identity crisis or seem to want to be like another person, is because they are bored with their own look. That’s normal switch it up as much as often but don’t take from someone else.
You will never find happiness until you accept who you are regardless if others don’t. Whose to say that if you change yourself to look like someone else who is well liked you will get the same attention? This is not the case. People who are well liked are liked for who they, just as those who aren’t are disliked for the same. Being someone else isn’t who YOU are so don’t expect the same reaction. You can either keep looking for yourself and changing yourself through others, or you can accept who you are and find happiness in your image. There will always be people who don’t like you or have an opinion about you. Just the same, there will be those who do like you. Focus on the ones around you who care and support you for who you are. Use that energy and your own self confidence to uplift yourself and to be happy with how you were made.